Human Pin cushion

At the ripe young age of 54, I have managed to avoid ever having blood taken for tests, and skipped the need for a doctor for the last 24 years. 

I'm generally a healthy lump of human skin, and count myself as fortunate.  However, recently I've had discomfort in my abdomen and I eventually concluded that my record-breaking dry spell at the doctors was over and I needed to talk to someone.

The visit to the doctor was unique as he had a blank computer screen about me.  He was impressed.  We talked about my discomfort and some ideas around its cause, but the inevitable then came.  "We need to do some blood tests". 

I was asked to make an appointment with the nurse, and a few days later I rocked up for my second visit to the surgery in over two decades. 

She came at me with a needle.  I was unphased.  In the needle went, then out the needle came.  In, then out, in then out.  After seven attempts in both arms and hands, she had extracted none of my crimson juice!  She apologised, suggesting I had difficult veins and asked me to come back in two days.  I dutifully arrived two days later and we had the same performance, with a new nurse.  'Could I come back again in two days?'  Sure!  Friday came, I arrived again and this time two nurses, one on each arm, went in again.  Finally the red liquid was flowing -- despite me suggesting I was a vampire!

The successful nurse drew three tubes, and the other nurse felt deflated at her efforts.

My life's liquid went to an unknow destination.  Eleven days later I had heard nothing so I called to ask if someone would call.  I was advised I should have called two days after the tests.  Who knew?!  Certainly not me, the novice.

Apparently they ran fourteen tests for a variety of checks, and age-related potential issues for the over 50s.  I did remind her I am only 26 (in my head).

Anyway, all tests were clear. 

I'm not sure we're further forward with the grumbling abdomen but apparently I am in good shape, apart from two arms and hands like pin cushions.

The nurses were impressed that I offered no bruising after my ordeal -- I again suggested I was a vampire as I never bruise.